Things in high places.

So tonight, again, The Troll snatched my phone and again, put it up in a high place that prevented me from reaching it. After trying a few times, and laughing/whining that I couldn't reach it, I had an idea. I walked over to where I was keeping my back scratcher, and used that to get my phone down. Unfortunately I have almost zero coordination, so my phone dropped to the ground, not even touching my outstretched hand.

Regardless, I was pleased. I had succeeded, and I said so with a small dance and repeating "I win!" over and over again. He left me alone for awhile, while he and my boyfriend went into his room to watch Stargate. After awhile, he came out with one of his grins, yes, THAT kind of grin, and stared at me. I let my guard down though, so I wasn't expecting what came next: he took my phone again. I jumped up to chase him, but he'd placed my phone on top of one of the kitchen cabinets. I just stood there, and called to my boyfriend for help. Of course, The Troll, being who he is, immediately said, "don't help her."

"Mike, can I borrow your chair for a second?" I asked, trying not to laugh.

"Nope," Mike said in response. There was random conversation here about how Mike needed the chair to paint his Warhammer figures, which was just them being weird and not helping me. I walked back to get my back scratcher and try to use that for aid, but it didn't work well. Instead I pushed the phone further away from me. I started looking around for a box or something I could use to lift me higher, when Mike got off his chair. I snatched it right away and was able to get my phone down.  I walked back to my computer and sat down, thinking that was it.

I should learn by now that he's never done until he's fast asleep in bed.

He tried to take my phone again. I used my back scratcher to whack him in the arm a few times, so he just grabbed that instead, and ran back to the kitchen. Like a moron, of course I chased him. He took the opportunity to grab my phone  from my hand, and place both the phone and the backscratcher on top of the cabinets above the fridge.

Cue me spending ten minutes using the broom to fish them both down. I managed to do it without using a chair this time, so I was proud of myself. When I had them both safely in hand, I found him sitting at my computer, pulling up "Dance of the Manwhore"

"No, shoo!" I walked over and started slapping him with the backscratcher again until he got back up.

"Fine," he said, sounding like a defeated child. He walked away again, tried to take my phone yet again, but it didn't work, so he just locked my computer and walked off.

He went to bed after the last attempt, so I'm safe for the night. Although I fear what he's dreaming up now, and what more he can come up with.

I have also come to the conclusion that I am his personal lab rat, and everything he does to me is an experiment, and he is training me, or studying me. One of the troll. With him being a troll, nothing he does is predictable.

Wherein The Troll Learns About Buttons

Recently, I learned how into the trolling my boyfriend is. By that, I mean he actually encourages The Troll do perform his antics. In fact, just the other night, my boyfriend taught The Troll which buttons on my laptop do what. The Troll learned to lock my computer, to turn on/off the wifi button at will, and various other buttons.

This has been used against me multiple times in the past by my boyfriend, but to have him turn on me and teach The Troll is a whole other matter. I was in over my head now.

For the past few nights I have been dealing with button pushing at random. Mostly when I least expect it. This is paired with various other trolling efforts, such as yelling "Battle Shits" over and over again until I'm curled up in a ball on the floor. (Not to mention putting my portable electronics in high places so that I can't reach them,  even if I'm jumping)

Anyway, I have tried my best to guard my computer against The Troll, but he has quickly realized, as I'm starting to, that if he takes a portable device away with him, I will wind up leaving my computer unguarded, which leaves him completely open to double back, press buttons and run away. That leaves me half laughing and half whining, and calling him less than happy names.

I was annoyed at first about my boyfriend teaching The Troll about buttons, but that quickly evaporated when The Troll laughed in glee everytime he even so much as thought about pushing something on my laptop. Anger toward my boyfriend faded, and suspicious and mistrust rose up higher with The Troll.

He likes to catch me off guard with his "Battle Shits" mantra, but instead of just telling him no, I just yell the word back at him. Maybe I'm learning how to actually deal with him, or maybe I'm sinking further down into insanity. I don't know what to think, all I know is that everytime I see him, I instinctively call him a douche bag, and that's where I get into trouble.

Walmart and Plungers, part 2

Well, they did it again.

This time, I brought it upon myself, kind of. We needed garbage bags from Walmart, and while we were getting out of the car, I stupidly asked The Troll to be nice to me this time. He just stopped, and a large grin slowly spread across his face. I groaned, knowing I just sealed my own fate.

"I hadn't even thought of it until you said something," Nick responded, giving me a sideways glance. Of course, I now knew what to expect.

"I need to buy leashes for you both."

"What, so you can look like a dominatrix parading around with two sex slaves?" Nick quipped. I ignored that. He knew perfectly well why I had made mention of leashes, and it wasn't for a perverted reason.

Once we were in the store, as in the second we stepped foot inside, the men looked at each other, and Nick instructed Mike to go one way, while he went another. I stood there in shock, trying to figure out which of the two I should chase down, and after a moment's hesitation, I chased after Mike.

Cue chasing him around the store. Or rather, I cut through the Women's clothing section to try and head them both off. I found them both in Electronics, where they were wandering around, seemingly aimlessly. Once I was caught up to them, The Troll tore off, and I knew where he was going, but Mike grabbed me instead.

"Spend time with me!" he begged, pulling me into a hug. He sounded so sincere, and so pathetic, that I was now torn. I wasn't sure if he was just distracting me or if he really wanted attention. So I remained, but me, being me, bitched the whole time about how I didn't trust The Troll and I didn't want to have to hunt down plungers, but my love for Mike was keeping me from leaving. Finally, I was able to start dragging him toward the plunger aisle, but there was no Nick in sight.

Mike and I went toward the grocery bag aisle, as that was the main reason we'd come to Walmart in the first place. We then walked back to see if Nick was anywhere. We found him walking torward us, with a suspiciously large grin on his face. I just stared him down, as he looked back and forth between Mike and I.

Since I was suspicious, I walked back toward the plunger aisle, and the two men followed me. I inspected the plungers and since I didn't know what was going on, I just looked back at the two. "You ready to leave?" Mike asked Nick.

"Yeah, let us go," came The Troll's response. I thought that was the end of it. We walked down to the end of the aisle...where they split off into different directions.

"Damn!" I hissed, while laughing. I was beginning to suspect a psychic communication was happening without my knowledge, but I couldn't confirm it. I ended up walking back to guard the plungers. Nick then came back a few moments later and just stood there staring at me, still grinning. He started to walk away, when Mike came running into the aisle. I looked at them both, when Mike ran away again. "Stay here!" I said to Nick, who just shrugged.

"Okay.." it was the only thing he said. But I had a better idea. I knew I wouldn't be able to keep Nick within eyesight, so instead I walked over to the plungers and sat down in front of them, arms folded.

"I'm staying right here." I said, trying my hardest not to laugh.

"You look like a petulant child." It took most of my self control to keep from bursting out laughing. Of course, he disappeared again. I stood back up and followed him, only to find that he'd disappeared into think air for the millionth time.

I walked around the nearby aisles to see if there were any trace of The Troll or Mike, but I couldn't find them.

I walked back to the plunger aisle to see them both standing there. I immediately walked back to guard the plungers, and after a stand off, Nick reached around me and ran off with a plunger.

I chased him. I followed him for a good while around the Sporting Goods section, trying to yank that plunger out of his hand. The only thing that got me off his tail, was when we passed by the plungers again, and I saw Mike trying to put together another plunger. I chased him, and he ran. Which then gave The Troll the opportunity to run off with the plunger I'd failed to grab from him.

I had no idea how many plungers were hidden. But by this point my knee was starting to act up, and I was feeling the beginnings of a bad mood coming on. I suddenly had no desire to find the plungers. I walked back by the aisle to see the men standing there, and I was about to ask them where all the plungers were, when a Walmart employee came by, putting two plungers away.

Since The Troll and Mike were found out, they found all the plungers for me. Instant good mood for me, as I didn't have to find them all. Bwaha.

I did get Choco-Tacos out of the mix again though, which really made me happy. But I look at it this way. I am getting ideas on how to get back at The Troll. Nothing concrete yet, but there will come a day when I will troll him so epically, that his sanity will sink to the same level as mine, and that's pretty far down.

But then again, I think he's already there.

Wave O' Babies

Last night was a very interesting night. The whole ordeal started while we were grocery shopping. I know, it's very odd for any adventure to begin whilst shopping for food. However, that does not deter The Troll from attempting to sap my sanity.

In the dairy section of the store, I asked if the men had picked up butter. The Troll, under his breath, sang "Wave O' Babies." Not sure if I'd heard him correctly, I looked at him with a confused expression.

"What?" I asked.

"Wave O' Babies." That was it. I knew I'd heard him correctly this time. I giggled and turned my back on him, of course. He was starting his usual antics again. Of course, I was finding it funny, because of course, almost anything Nick says is funny.

However, along with his little song, The Troll made up hand motions to go along with it. (Something like a wave....with your hand.) He continued to sing "wave o' babies" until we were done shopping. He then stopped for awhile, and we were able to go home and prepare dinner.

After our pizzas were done cooking, I was cutting my delicious all-meat pizza, and minding my own business. I was under the impression that Mike and The Troll were by Mike's computer, watching anime, until I turned around. What I saw made me scream and jump backwards, yet laughing at the same time.

Nick had managed to sneak up right behind me, and was staring at me with wide eyes and a creepy grin on his face. I reached up, put my hand on his chest, and shoved him away.

"Wave O' Babies!" He sang, while walking away. I wasn't fooled, I knew he was going to walk around the corner and try to sneak up on me again. I watched the corner, and he just poked half his head around, staring at me with one eye. "Wave O' Babies!" he sang. I pointed at him.

"Sit down." I said, pointing at him. "Go away." He instead crept closer. I shoved him away a second time. He just put his hand up. "No, shut up and sit down." I said, trying not to laugh.

"Wave O' Babies!" He walked away, finally leaving me alone. I finished cutting my pizza and put a couple slices on my plate, and sat down to join them in watching anime and eating food.

It wasn't until after the men were done watching when The Troll started up again. "Wave O' Babies!" Repeated ad naseum. Finally I turned to Mike, and half whining, half laughing, I said,

"Mike, make him stop!" Mike, who was tired and ready to sleep, mimed hitting him.

"Okay Nick you're even bugging me now."

I would like to say that was the end of it. However, one cannot help what one dreams about. Dreams of stalking, waves of babies, and any sort of trolling in between.

So, on that note, congratulations Nick, you've finally gotten into my head. You now control my every thought, so you win. I am at your mercy forever.

At least, until he finds something new to do to me. As I said before, there are only breaks.

Of Wal-Mart and Plungers

The other night an epic trolling of epic proportions occured. I was bored and anxious to get out of the house, so, after nagging my boyfriend for most of the day, around four in the afternood, the three of us (myself, Mike and The Troll) went to Walmart.

Well, we decided to get Subway first. I was nice and did not get my usual meatball-ranch-mayonnaise mess that I always get (mainly to spite him, even though I find it delicious!), but a normal sandwich with lemonade. It was good, and we talked for a bit. The Troll made a funny joke and of course, I shotgunned my lemonade all over the table. He did apologize for that, as he did not mean to do that to me...that time. Anyway, I'm getting off track.

After eating, we went to browse through Electronics. I looked at video games, and seeing nothing new, I followed my boyfriend to look at the televisions. We talked briefly about one TV that looked good, until I saw The Troll make a beeline toward...the plunger aisle. Oh I knew right then what he was about to do, because he gave me an evil grin.

Backstory here: My boyfriend and his friends used to stick the plungers to the floor in a row, and drag me across the store. It drove me crazy to have the plungers left out, so I would always run back and put them away. It turned into a game at my expense. I laugh because it's funny, it's just really annoying at the same time.

Now, backstory's out of the way, so now on with the main plot. So anyway, after that evil look, I chased nick, only to see him set a plunger down on the ground. I immediately picked it up and put it away. Then Mike disappeared, so I just looked at Nick, and went to track Mike down. I couldn't find him, but I thought I saw a shadow disappear behind an aisle, so I chased that down. It was then that I realized I'd left The Troll unsupervised. I went back to the plunger aisle to find it empty of any human, but there was a single plunger in the middle of the aisle. I sighed and put that one away. Then I went to find Nick, to see what he was up to.
I couldn't find either of them, and after looking around, I came back to the plunger aisle to see yet another plunger sitting there. I began to realize that they were toying with me, so I waited by the aisle to see if they would come back.

They did, after maybe ten minutes. Both of them were grinning, and give me weird looks, so I asked where they were. They gave me crappy excuses that sounded completely phony, but I let it go. I thought the game was over, and they were ready to leave, but I didn't realize, that they hadn't even gotten started. Things got worse, much much worse.

Mike held my arms pinned to my sides while Nick grabbed a plunger. Instead of putting it down, he ran off with it. I was helpless to do anything but watch, due to Mike's strength. Once The Troll disappeared, I tried to track him down, but I couldn't find him. I ran back to find Mike still standing there, laughing. I demanded to know where The Troll had run off to, but he kept saying he didn't know. So off I went again to track him down. It was a mistake. I had left Mike alone.

I ran back to the plunger aisle to find Mike missing, but The Troll was there, picking up another plunger. "No, no!" I said, as if I were talking to a child. "Put that down!" I pointed an accusing finger at him, only to have him giggle and run off. I started chasing him, but like the ninja he always is, he disappeared yet again. I stomped back to the aisle and guarded the damn plungers as if my life depended on it.

After a few moments, they both came back, empty handed. "Where are the plungers?" I asked. "I'm going to have to find them, aren't I?"

"Yes." The Troll responded, still grinning evilly. With a sigh and an eye roll, I asked him where. "Well, they're on this half of the store, at least." So off I went, hunting down plungers.

True to his word, they were all on one half of Wal-Mart. But they were hidden. That was the problem. It wasn't as if he and Mike had left these plungers in the middle of aisles. No, they were clever, and hid the plungers, and I actually had to look hard to find them.

After maybe a half hour, probably an hour at most, I found the last of them. There were probably seven plungers total, hidden around the store, and by this point I was exhausted, sweating, and ready to go home. I had put all the plungers back, and I was basking in the glow of my own success (seriously, it was like an Easter egg hunt, with plungers.) when I found the Troll and his Toad sitting on office chairs. Turns out, I wasn't done, as there were two more to be found. I groaned and almost dropped to my knees.

"Where are they?" I whined, wanting to be done. "Just give me a hint." The Troll pointed to his left.

"Straight that way, hidden behind a support column." That was one, but I also had to find the other. Luckily for me, it was down the aisle we were in. I picked that one up and hunted the last damn plunger down. NOW I was done.

With both plungers found and put away, I tracked the men down. I was beyond ready to go home at this point, and they were getting ready to check out and go home. (Nick was buying a new chair.) Mike, feeling bad for all the work they made me do, bought me choco-tacos.

I didn't have nightmares about plungers, like I was afraid of. but now I am scared of plungers, and if you ever see me cry at the sight of a plunger, well now you know why. Because pure evil now comes in the form of plungers.

Christmas Trolling

Over Christmas break, I went to Texas to visit my parents. I was gone for two weeks, in which my boyfriend was left alone with the Troll. At first I was glad to see my family, and merry times were had. But soon, I began to miss the chaos that the Troll caused, because life was too quiet for my liking. Soon enough, (well, not really, but let's just go with it.) I was able to catch the plane back to the Troll Dwelling that I call home.

I was tired, but I was also wound up due to finally being back in Vancouver, plus I had things to do and errands to run. (My boyfriend likes to make me run around like a chicken with its head cut off. I think he's a troll in his own way.)

After getting dropped off at home by my ride, I made my way upstairs, not entirely sure what to expect. I had been warned that something was going to happen, courtesy of The Troll, but I was curious as well as paranoid. When I opened the front door, I was greeted with a "HAH! HI-YA!" and a roundhouse kick to the face.

Okay that last part was a lie. But I really was greeted with a "Hah!" along with a few booster packs of Pokemon cards being shoved into my face. Well, hand, but face sounds funnier. Of course I jumped and screamed, and he laughed, but he walked back toward his dwelling, and I honestly thought that was it.

Being slightly disappointed that nothing more serious had been planned, even after all the build up I had been given, I called my boyfriend to let him know I was home. He asked me what The Troll had done, so with an air of disappointment, I told him I was just given Pokemon cards. My boyfriend wanted to speak to The Troll.

I passed the phone off, and I could hear them talking. Nick The Troll just looked up at me with a smirk and a raised eyebrow, and I immediately backed up, realizing that maybe, just maybe, he wasn't done. I had no time to ask, as I had to go on my adventure called Our Car Needed New Tags and I Had To Buy Them, Also Taco Bell, and I completed this quest with my best friend, Megan.

I came back and since I was still wound up, yet tired, I curled up on the couch and played around on my computer for awhile. Mike came home that evening, and I was able to finally hug him and kiss him. It was like the ultimate quest prize. However, he wished to speak with Nick, so I just wrapped myself up in my snuggy (Texas is so much warmer than Vancouver, so I was freezing my arse off.) and stretched out with my computer. I was feeling so relaxed and happy, and I thought nothing was going to happen.

Well, I bet you all forgot about My Roommate Is A Troll.

My boyfriend, who was placed under The Troll's evil spell, and of course, The Troll, came out with two fully loaded auto-nerf machine guns, and proceeded to empty them and all corresponding clips onto me. I was a pile of orange. Or covered in, I should say.

It was then that I realized I was finally home. I also realized my sanity was beginning to slip at this point as for the next hour, every time I looked at the pile of nerf darts on the coffee table, I burst into hysterics again, which both men could hear, despite headphones and hiding in their dwellings.

Even though they got me good, I can still look back on this and laugh, because well....nerf darts are inherently funny. Seeing a pile of nerf darts sitting around, knowing that they will be used against me in the future is sanity-slipping hilarious.

Of course, I blame it on Nick the Troll. Because, with him, there is never a stopping point, only breaks in between.

The Story Begins

Once upon a time, I lived a very normal life. It was amazing and wonderful, and I was happy. Then one day, my boyfriend invited his good friend to move in with us. "It'll help us with money," My boyfriend argued. I agreed, because I knew we needed the help. The friend agreed, and we were all happy when he was finally able to move in.

However, the good times....well...they haven't ended, but life isn't so much of a fairy tale as it is.....he's a troll in disguise. He is an evil troll who cracks jokes and pulls pranks on a daily basis. He's a horrible man, and every time he makes me laugh so hard I cry is another point for him.

This is my story....about the evil troll I live with...and can't help but love.

Take tonight for example. We went out to eat, the three of us. Where we went wasn't important, but the food was delicious. Fried chicken, macaroni and cheese, and all the Mountain Dew my heart desires. I was very happy.

Sitting down to eat, my boyfriend, Mike, and the troll, Nick, were talking about random things. The usual topics included Airsoft, Politics, and bits and pieces of random disgusting medical crap that I tried to tune out, rather unsuccessfully of course.

However, a new favorite game of Mike's and Nick's is called "Say Something Funny to make Brooke Spray." Brooke, being me, the innocent victim in all of this. It started off harmless enough. A chuckle here, a giggle there, but nothing that would make me choke or spit my drink out.

However, Nick the Troll did not stop there. After a few minutes of ignoring me and lulling me into a false sense of security, he was saying something to Mike, and mid-sentence, he switched to a hilarious Warhammer reference (Flashlights and T-shirts, which I would have trouble explaining, so just take me for my word that it's funny, okay? Saves time.) Since I was unprepared for such a vicious attack, I exploded.

Not literally, duh. I mean my precious drink went all over the table, his food, and him. Of course, he laughed, and so did Mike. I was apparently laughing so hard I was turning purple. I also started crying, and there were some breathing issues, but I was able to recover.

I couldn't catch my breath to apologize for spraying, because of course I felt bad, but I stopped feeling bad when the Troll continued to laugh at me, and repeat the same line over and over. I, being very sensitive to his previous attack, kept laughing. No, I did not choke again, but I came close.

There are many many other stories I will have to share, including the rare times I counter-trolled him. But I shall save those for a different time. Until then, I have to plot my revenge and find ways to maintain my waning sanity. (It might be too late, considering how evil he is, but I have to hope.)

My story will probably never end, but it will be full of trials and mountains to climb. I just hope I can survive this hot mess of a ride long enough to write down my story.